I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
