I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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