Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do vagina's smell?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
