Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
