You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
