Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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