Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
