This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
