sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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