Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
