ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
