when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The Olympian is in my bed
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
