Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And then he peed in my hair
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