so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
