the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
