I'm drive I can fine osifer
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
