When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
