i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
