My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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