Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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