i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
