My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
