True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
