shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
