try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
