I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
