I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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