I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
