Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
