I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
