I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
