I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
