I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
