Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
