what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
