i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
