I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
