i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Im part way to drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
