it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
