Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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