My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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