Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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