I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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