Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
