i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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