My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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