Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
