He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
