remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
