we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
