I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
