you have to choose: penises or morals?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
