i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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